Dear LS and PP,
Thank you so much for putting together such an awesome site! I only wish I had known about or had such a resource 5 years ago when I was going through my own ugly unwanted divorce despite all efforts on my part to bring my husband back and to talk the other woman into letting him go….........appealing to somehow their sense of right and wrong…......which they had none. It’s a very long story and a public one as well as this happened at my workplace…..which was even more embarrassing for me. My problem now is I can’t get past it even 5 years later I am so angry sometimes…........angry that this woman took away what my children will never be able to recover…....a father….....God is showing me that you can’t take captive someone who doesn’t want to be that for their children…......you can’t make someone care….....It’s tough…......and part of it in my humanness is I want them to experience even a touch of the grief I go through daily….......and they seem oblivious…......just forging ahead with their plans to remarry and involve my kids in this ceremony as well…......imagine going to the wedding of your father to the very woman that broke up your home! Maybe it bothers me more than it does my kids….....and if so that grieves me too….......where is the loyalty? It’s very complicated but I’m thankful for Godly women and for the support that is out there….....God bless you….....I am sending a letter as well I would like to order a shirt and will enclose a check with my letter….......

Thanks Much,
CL
(I think it would be awesome to have a periodic support group meeting of women….....a get together at a church or home sometime…......I would be willing to help if anyone else so desires…......I know the holidays are especially hard on broken families…........Even still…....a kind of sadness hovers). around this time of year…......but God can give us the joy and hope we need to carry on….........)

Dear LS and PP,
I’ve been pondering and praying for how to reach out to both of you…I’m not sure which one of you has this incredible teacher for a dad, but I have the honor of teaching with him. He shared your web site with me and I’ve been praying for you for the longest time (long before the web site launch). You see, I’ve been through it…twice. And when he told me of your situation, I felt that gut-wrenching pain for you. Maybe what I have to say will carry more weight than some “Holy Woman” who has no idea what we’ve been through. God uses all of our experiences to reach out to others. Someday, you’ll reach out from the other side of it all. I’m here to tell ya—it is harder than hell, but there is light on the other side. There is joy in the morning! For right now, you are leaning on Jesus, because He’s all you’ve got. I pray that when the pain overtakes you, you’ll crawl into His lap and let your Heavenly Father hold you. His love for us is much more than a fatherly kind of love. It’s more like a lover, I believe. I pray you learn to love Him that intimately…He’s the only love you’ll ever need. I wrote my first song out of my pain…

The Only Love
My heart’s hurting and my spirit’s broken
I’m weary of these trials
And the pain won’t go away
I feel all alone here except for One
My only place left to turn
I know my prayer will be heard
He’ll pick me up and cover me
With His warm embrace
And carry me through
And teach me to walk again.
I’ve got to learn to see me
Through the eyes of Jesus
Help me know and believe, Lord
You’re the only love I’ll ever need
In the rainy seasons of this life
Don’t seek to find your worth
In other people’s eyes
The ones you love most will fail you
Except for One
Your only place left to turn
I know your prayer will be heard
He’ll pick you up and cover you
With His warm embrace
And carry you through
And teach you to walk again.
You’ve got to learn to see yourself
Through the eyes of Jesus
He’ll help you know and believe,
He’s the only love you’ll ever need.
Because knowing and believing
Are two different things
Please, Lord, help me believe
You’re the only love I’ll ever need.

God bless both of you, LS and PP. If you ever need another ear, I’m here! Keep in touch. You are BOTH going to make it and be stronger for Christ because of it!

In His Love,
MJ

Great site! Biblical insights that would apply to wives AND husbands who want a marriage based on God’s way. May God continue to bless you, hold you tightly and may your faith abound and increase as you follow His precepts.

Anonymous

Good Morning Sisters
I came across your site while listening to a podcast on xxxchurch.com.
Hearing your testimony, touched my heart and has blessed me so much.
Here is my testimony.
I am a husband who married my wife 18 years ago. She filed for divorce in February of this year (2006).
We had dated and had pre-marital sex. A Big Mistake. We were feeding our flesh and defiling the wedding bed. I was totally ignorant of what God’s word says with regard to purity and holiness. I was saved but not living for the LORD. My wife is not saved, yet she believed and understood our vows that we proclaimed before God and our friends and loved ones. This does not make any excuse for my behavior.
Through the years I tried to be the husband that I proclaimed to be for my wife. I did not understand what the LORD said through Paul’s writings in Ephesians 5:25-31—Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
I was filled with anger, resentment and hatred due to my own selfishness. I resented my mother-in-law, who had been living with us for almost our entire marriage. I focused my resentment on my wife, and subjected her to verbal abuse. I resented my children, because they divided time that I could spend with my wife.
During my marriage, I would go out with my male friends, and frequent strip bars with them. I would squander my family’s money on partying, pornography and this created more wounding in my wife.
Through the years, my wife resigned herself to the fact that this is how her life would be. She hated that reality. She felt that I had lied to her and in truth, I did lie to her. I did not uphold to any of my pre-marital promises except for helping to give her children.
Three years ago, God met me again in my office at work. I sat down at my computer and immediately broke down and cried for 2 hours.
During this time, I had many, many thoughts.
“Am I having a nervous breakdown?”
“Is this really what life is all about?”
And then I heard a voice. A small, voice. This voice said, “A, I did not create you to live life the way that you are living it. I stand at your heart’s door, knocking. I do not have a handle on my side. You will have to make the choice to let me into your heart. Understand that if you make this choice to let me into your heart, I will come inside and fellowship with you.”
When I made the choice to say “Yes LORD” He flooded my heart with His LOVING KINDNESS. My burdens lifted at the moment. Later that night when I went home, I told my wife that I had recommitted my life back to the LORD. She responded with, “I want a separation.”
Ironically, I smiled and told her, “I knew that this was coming. How could it not be coming after all that I’ve put you through.”
I remained in the home for the next two years. I went to church, and really started learning so much more about my personal relationship with my LORD.
I saw the LORD use me to lead all three of our children to the LORD. I became involved in a ministry called Christian Surfers. I began to see how the LORD wanted me to live my life. The life of a servant. A bondservant.
Last summer, I discovered some sexually inappropriate text messages on my wife’s cell phone. These messages were to a supposed “family friend” whom she has worked with for the last 7 years.
When I confronted her with this, she denied any involvement with this man. God showed me that she was clearly lying. He told me to love her like Hosea loved Gomer. So that is what I did.
Shortly thereafter, she had asked me for a divorce.
God ministered to my heart and told me –
“A, what I have put together, let no man pull apart. I will restore and reconcile you to one another and unto Me.”
So, the LORD instructed me to stand for my marriage. And that is what I did. Until the beginning of this year.
I met a woman in my former church, who was just a prayer partner, and sister in the LORD. Over time, she would share scripture with me of how my marriage to my wife was not a “covenant” because I thought that I was not saved and knew that my wife wasn’t saved. My relationship with this woman became closer much to the approval of my former pastor and several leaders in the church.
I figured, this must be from You LORD, because there is scripture to back up their claims and besides, my wife is lost, she hates when I quote scripture to her, she has never prayed with me. So this must be your way LORD of releasing me from my marriage.
WRONG!
God is not a God of confusion. He always remains true to His word. I made choices to forget what the LORD had told me about my stand for my marriage.
God chose November 20th, 2006, to break-off my relationship with this woman. There has been damage done to my kids and her kids as a result of this wrong relationship. I confessed this sin to my wife. I apologized for committing adultery against her.
For the first time in over a year, my wife and I had a really loving conversation. We cried together and I let her know that I got a glimpse of what she had endured from me for the past 18 years of our marriage. I cried, and let her know that I was so sorry for stealing those years of her life from her.
For today, my wife is in an adulterous relationship with someone who she calls her “friend”. My kids don’t like seeing this man put his hands on their mother. He spends the night at the house with her, sleeps with her while our kids are in the house. And of course whenever I hear anything with regard to my wife and this “friend” it upsets me. And then I turn it over to Jesus and He takes away the pain in my heart.
I remain in the LORD, to continue to stand for my marriage. I stand with you, my sisters in Christ, to encourage you and to not give up on your marriage and on the LORD. God is eternally faithful. He does not Welch on His Word. Nothing is too hard for the LORD.
God is bigger than adultery. God is bigger than immorality. Jesus defeated all of the enemy’s tricks at Calvary’s Cross and through the resurrection.
HALLELUJAH!!!

Heavenly Father,
You are a shield about us. You are the Rock of our Salvation. You are Mighty to Save. You are Jehovah Shalom, Our Prince of Peace. You are Jehovah Nicci, Our Victorious King, You are Jehovah Jireh, Our Provider. You are Jeshua, Our Savior.
Father, please continue to lift the heads of my sisters. Their hearts are broken LORD. They are hurting and they need Your Tender, healing touch. Jesus, Jesus, I ask that You and Holy Spirit flood their hearts with Your healing power and redemptive LOVE. Please grant them double portions of: LOVE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, FAITH, MERCY, GRACE, and SLOWNESS TO ANGER.
LORD, LORD, You tell me that my sisters are the Crown of Your Glory. They are “Life-Givers”. They bear Your Image. They are as precious jewels unto YOU LORD. I thank You for the powerful testimony that You are writing upon the tablets of their hearts. Please keep their hearts soft and do not let them turn into hearts of stone.
LORD, Your word does not return void. It goes out and comes back, accomplishing what You have set it out to do.
I believe that my sisters will be restored and reconciled unto YOU LORD and their husbands.
Father, speak to their husbands. Every time that they are with the “other person” pierce their hearts through Your Holy Spirit. Remind them that they made a covenant with the brides of their youth. Remind them that they are fathers. Remind them that they are in the “Far Country”, lost prodigals who have not yet become hungry enough to “Come Home”.
But we believe that You Oh LORD will bring them home.
In the meantime LORD, please refine my sisters every moment of every day. Remove the things in their hearts that should not be there LORD.
I give thanks to YOU LORD, for YOUR NAME IS BLESSED and YOUR LOVINGKINDNESS ENDURES FOREVER.
IN JESUS’ NAME I PRAY AMEN and AMEN
God Bless You. He is pouring forth His power, strength and blessing upon you.

Sincerely,
AR

Dear sisters LS and PP,

Happy New Year’s Eve! I don’t think I’m the normal kind of person you get an email from to tell you my story. First of all, I’m not a woman. Second of all I’ve never been married and therefore I’ve never watched my marriage fall apart. However, as the son of a woman who has gone through what you are going through, I wanted to attempt to encourage and love you both (and all the women who share in your pain) as I have attempted to love my mom throughout the past three years.

I stumbled upon your website through xxxchurch and was instantly floored by the light and the goodness that God IS already and is going to continue to work through your faith, honesty and efforts through oneP3. A little over three years ago I found out that my dad had an affair on my mom after 27 years of marriage. Despite the pleas of his family, he decided to divorce my mom and then remarried his mistress without even telling any of his children or his ex-wife. The heartbreak and ache our family has experienced has been immense (as you very well know). As my mother’s only son, I have been awkwardly thrust into an unwanted position of only remaining man-of-the-family and more importantly as one of the only men in my mom’s life whom she trusts. I wish I could undo all the times I have failed to love her and support her, but many times Christ has strengthened me to repeatedly walk with my mom into her sorrow and fight the lies that attack without ceasing. It has been an awkward reversal of the natural relationship between a mother and son at times and it has definitely been messy with plenty of tears and much confusion and desperation. The amazingly good news is that over and over Christ comes through for my mom. Immanuel rescues His daughter stronger and longer and more perfectly than the enemy can attack her. Though it has been an amazing struggle, it is also a huge honor to have been used by my Savior in any way to help my mom throughout this battle. I’m also very encouraged and excited to know that you as women are so willing to join my mom in this fight and that I’m not the only one human in the world trying to help her through this.

If there’s anything this idiot-boy has learned in these past few years, it’s that the enemy’s number one attack is to lie to a woman’s soul. As from the beginning, the deceiver will ceaselessly try to redefine you and to trick you and convince you that you are not who God says you are. So I wanted to take the opportunity to confront him and encourage and remind you of exactly who God says you are.

Woman, you are the daughter of the living, almighty God, (2 Cor. 6:18) created in His image (Gen. 1:27). Without you in the picture the picture was “not good” (Gen. 2:18), but with you in the picture the whole of creation was “very good” (Gen. 1:31). When everything else in creation received only a name from Adam, you brought forth poetry from his lips (Gen. 2:23). Through the blood of Christ you have become a friend of God (John 15:15). He knows you intimately, every bright place, every dark place, because He formed you fearfully and wonderfully (Psalm 139:1-18), and despite all of your many flaws He loves you anyway (Romans 5:8). No matter how dark it ever gets, HE WILL NEVER FAIL YOU, and HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU (Psalm 23:4, Deut. 31:6-8). You are NOT alone (Matt. 1:23 . . . and really the whole of the scriptures, and specifically the gospels of Christ’s rescue mission).

And lastly, as busted as the state of mankind gets and as many examples may seem to the contrary, know that there are still men who deeply want to love you as Christ loves the church. We fail often, but by the grace of God through the death and life of His Son, we will not become our fathers. We, your sons, need you and we respect you more than you could ever know. We love you even though we are incapable of doing so adequately and we celebrate Christ’s life that we see so vibrantly in you as you struggle through this pain. Stand strong, and don’t give up. He is with you.

Remain in Christ!

a fool’s son,
adopted by the living God,
and now a bond-servant of Jesus the Christ,

JL

HI ladies….. I am BLESSED with your words…. thank you…. How can I help? encourage?.. I have been there…. years ago… alone with four darling children… my “story” is that God… through his love.. and gentleness, restored my life, my love, and my children,... but with out Jesus, I would still be broken…... I will share this web-site with a few friends… God Bless your day… and thank you.”

-KG

October 9, 2006

Dear LS & PP,
A close friend of mine is a close friend of yours and she gave me a copy of your letter today. I am excited about oneP3.com and I am amazed at the way God consistently makes good come from bad. What an incredible idea God has placed on your hearts! Thank you for your courage, dedication and commitment. I can only imagine the impact you are having and will continue to have on women all over this world!

I too, have a story. I have four boys ages 15, 13, 4 and 10 months. Most of our friends and acquaintances were very surprised and thought it was incredible that we would “choose” to have a fourth child when we had just been through a traumatic experience with our 4 year old, who was born 15 weeks premature and with a hearing loss. In reality, we couldn’t have been more shocked ourselves to learn that I was pregnant again, particularly since my DH had a vasectomy. The angry words my DH spoke when he first learned of this unbelievable occurrence, will stick with me forever. What should have been the most treasured time of our lives was instead the most emotionally draining and difficult season of our 16-year marriage. It was evident that my DH was devastated at the thought of raising one more child with me. Although I knew our marriage wasn’t in the best shape and we were working on our issues in counseling, I never dreamed that my DH was planning to divorce me and this pregnancy was going to delay his plans.

My DH and I had many separate friends, but there was only one couple that we would do things with as a foursome. We frequently played cards, had dinner together, went to movies, and even took a family vacation together. My DH was good friends with the husband and the wife became a close girlfriend of mine. Over time, our friendships grew deeper and we started to confide in each other more often. My girlfriend and I laughed together, cried together, went for walks, shared personal struggles, and had intimate conversations about the relationships we had with our spouses. We talked about everything—our backgrounds, our children, and yes, even our sex life. The depth of our friendship was particularly evident when she confided in me that she was pregnant (with her second child) before she even told her DH. I remember thinking that her telling me first, wasn’t a good sign. I couldn’t imagine ever telling my girlfriend something so personal and exciting, before sharing the news with the baby’s father. The friendship between my DH and her DH was also a close one. They helped each other with projects and shared a lot of good times. Eventually her DH confided in my DH about their marriage difficulties and my DH became his confidant.

My girlfriend was a stay-at-home mom and offered to provide childcare for my kids in her home. Since I work outside the home, it seemed like a perfect fit to hire my girlfriend to baby-sit my two youngest children. My girlfriend is the only babysitter I have ever had, that loves my children as if they were her own. Before long, my DH showed a strong interest in her children, took them under his wing and began loving them like they were his own.

I first became aware of my girlfriend’s attraction to my DH in June of 2005, while our families vacationed together. Although I was unaware her marriage was on the verge of divorce, I noticed red flags everywhere and inappropriate incidents between my girlfriend and my DH continued for months to come. I didn’t know what to believe—the excuses that were given to me when I confronted them or my gut instinct, so I flip-flopped between a world of anger and denial. While my friends and family members kept encouraging me to find a different babysitter, I was adamant that I couldn’t trust anyone else to take such good care of my precious boys. As you know, trust is essential and there is nothing more important to a mother than the care of her children.

To make a long story short, I’ve only recently come to understand why my marriage had no hope, despite the efforts we were making with counseling, reading books, seeking the help of our pastor and even attending the well-known “Weekend to Remember” conference. God cannot bless a marriage when there is a third party. I continue to believe that my girlfriend and my DH did not intend to fall in love with each other or set out to break apart our marriages and families, however that is exactly what happened. My girlfriend has been divorced for a few months and my DH and I separated in early July. Although our divorce won’t be finalized until January ‘06, they are officially dating each other and she is playing the role of “step mom” already.

On one hand I feel betrayed, enraged, disrespected and totally exasperated at their behavior. On the other hand, I am grateful that at least “the other woman” is someone who loves my children deeply. I’m also experiencing a new life and recognizing for the first time, that spiritual warfare exists and the Holy Spirit is involved in my daily life. Never before have I felt this close to God. He is my Father and he is close to the broken-hearted. I start each day now with a bounce in my step, wondering what God has in store.

Many people in my life tell me I have every right to be angry and exhibit some bad behavior if it makes me feel better. The fact is it doesn’t make me feel any better at all. In fact, the anger doesn’t do anything to help or change the situation, but it hurts my children and it eats ME alive. Fortunately, God prepared me for this season by planting several Christian women in my life. These women have high expectations of me and will hold me accountable. They get their strength and wisdom from God and His Word and they empower me with their unconditional love and relentless prayers.

I can honestly say there are days when I don’t feel so angry anymore. Praise, worship and prayer are part of my daily life. I don’t feel so empty, hurt or alone either. Instead, I am experiencing an entirely new level of joy. I am learning how to extend forgiveness (even when it isn’t being requested) and practicing that skill over and over and over again. I would like to be baptized again and I look forward to using my spiritual gifts in a way that brings glory to God.

Like my favorite song, sung by Casting Crowns, I was blind, but now I see. Thank you for giving me a place to share my story. I hope my story is helpful to someone else out there, who might be wondering if the pain will ever end. My advice to you is this. The sooner you surrender your life to God, the sooner your pain will end. God does not want you to suffer. Jesus already paid the price. He is right by your side and he wants you to accept his free gift of salvation.

-JW