Katie and her husband were married for five years. DH/FH (dear husband or former husband ) came from a dysfunctional family with abuse and conflict. They were both serving the Lord when they married and they both saw their marriage and family as an example of God’s redemption and blessing…if they will only choose a life of obedience to him. The relationship has been turbulent throughout most of the marriage with short seasons of stability and peace. He has been controlling and emotionally, spiritually, and physically abusive.
The Lord blessed them with two precious sons L and S, ages 5 and 2. DH/FH left and moved out of the house when L was two and S was two months old and has failed to live up to the commitments he made before God to his wife and children. During the separation and divorce, Katie has been seeing a Christian counselor and a domestic violence specialist and is dealing with her own issues. It has become obvious that she was in a domestic violence situation in her marriage and that her safety and the safety of her boys is in jeopardy until her former husband acknowledges his power and control issues and gets serious help for them. He choose not to do so. He has also had many affairs and has continued to subject other women to the same lies and abuse. DH/FH has drug out and made the divorce process much more difficult for her and her children. The Lord has laid it on her heart that she needs to deal with DH/FH in a gentle and quiet way. She recognizes that to fall short of this means to not respect her former husband as the Lord calls her to. This does not, however, mean that she has to continually be victimized by his abusive control and violence. Figuring out how to walk this tightrope is excruciatingly difficult and has kept her continually on her knees. She thanks God for wise counselor and the support of women who have been in her shoes. She, too, has fallen short of the standard that the Lord requires of her and she is dedicated to growing into the example of a godly woman. So Katie continues to trust in the Lord believing that He will give her a future, hope and expected end (Jeremiah 29:11). She struggles daily in taking care of two children and a home but focuses on what God is calling her to do in her life using the wisdom experiences He is giving her.
Miriam’s story is different, but the betrayal, abandonment and emotional holocaust is all too similar. Miriam met her former husband in a miraculous way five years ago. God paved a path in the desert for them in every particular as their life unfolded before them. They felt God’s blessings around them. Their relationship was thriving and their life was good. Everyone knew them as the ideal couple. At home, things were the same. Miriam felt profusely loved by her husband and she loved him completely. After much prayer and a miscarriage, the Lord blessed them with a baby girl. Within a few months of her birth, DH/FH became involved with another woman. Miriam did not find out until several months later, and was devastated. As is the case with all affairs, DH?FH started lying to cover up what he was doing and lost his integrity in every area. He moved out of state for a job and continued the illicit relationship for a year before ending it and acknowledging his sin before the Lord.
As Miriam sought reconciliation, her DH/FH was not willing to take the leap of faith and bring the family back together. After attempting to reconcile for many months without his re commitment to her, Miriam filed for divorce. The end of the marriage has been devastating to her, but she chooses to trust that God will continue to be faithful as she continues to seek Him. She does not know what God will do in her life, but she knows that if her former husband is willing to obey God without reservation, He can and will do amazing things.
There are no excuses for what our former husbands have done. However, we recognize that we, too, play a role in the dysfunction in our marriage and we are determined to let all the dross come out as the Lord puts us through the Refiner’s fire. We daily mourn for the loss of what we had. But, God has shown us that this is the season that He is using to raise us up for His purpose. We never thought that we would survive these situations. We certainly never thought we would be divorced. When God gave us the oneP3 verse, we imagined He would neatly restore our marriages and the explicit understanding of the verse would stand. Nothing happened like we thought. We continually try to figure out why God gave us this verse and what it means in our lives now that we’re divorced. But He did. And this isn’t the end of the story for any of us.
We feel God calling women everywhere to take notice of this gentle and quiet spirit, whether they are wives or not, because it is very pleasing to the Lord and so it must be pivotally important. Whether our marriages are reconciled or not, no matter what is done to us, we are all called to this standard. Even when it is impossible.
When onep3 started we went my the LS=Katie and PP=Miriam. We did this to protect our identities and those of our former husbands. We wanted to share the pain but be respectful to the reconciliation process. We also referred to our husbands as DH. You will see these names as you read through old posts. Now that we are both divorced and have met so many women, we feel it is safe to use our real names(and easier).