Mother’s day…..Last year
Posted on Sunday, May 10, 2009 by oneP3 | (0) Comments
By: Katie
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!! To some of you those are painful words. I know.
I wanted to share some of my journal from last year. I don’t do this to simply mark another tragic day in this sad story, but to encourage you that you will look back and see what you have survived…no, conquered. When we walk through the waters, the waves will not overtake us. When we pass through the fire, the flames will not set us ablaze. We’re hurt, sure. But not ruined. There is hope for our families, our kids, our future. God is still redeeming our stories.
God to us:
“As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you.” Isaiah 66:13
***Mother’s Day 2008. I woke up this AM….knowing I am parenting alone but I am determined to get through the day and enjoy my kids. To leave some of the heavy behind………and have one day to celebrate that I am blessed with my two sons.
We got to church…..it took a lot to get us out the door…but we got there. After screaming, crying and several time outs….. Worship was meaningful as was the sermon. I was putting on my boys coats and my oldest was looking at someone…he kept saying “Mommy…..there’s”…and pointing…I looked through the crowd and had no clue who he was talking about… I kept putting their coats on, tying shoes, and rearranging my purse…..I looked up to see a girl staring at us. My son said that one and pointed to her……..I said “Do you know my child?” She said yes. It hit me. It knocked the wind out of me….I spoke her name and she nodded. I smiled, chocking back tears. I grabbed the boys’ hands and left. This over welling sob came over me……. panic. This is ONE of the many women my (now) ex has been involved with. She is 18. I looked at her young body and kept thinking….”That man defiled your young body…..”
Mothers day, Alone, my already hurting/confused/scared children spot ONE of the women my ex has been with. My nose is hurting and bruised from his abuse the weekend before, when he had gotten angry and head butted me. When will this stop? I was dizzy with the emotion and pain.
I look down at my wrist…..my new tattoo says “ElRoi” The God who sees me…………
I am angry, hurt, sad….does she know the damage she has done to me, the kids, herself? Does anyone see the pain of all this? For my poor confused children?
I got the boys in the van and I was crying. My son asked what was wrong. Can anyone tell me how do I explain adultery to a 5 year old? How do I explain statuary rape…..or why a girl of 18 should not be with a 30 year old man who walked away from his marriage and two children…………anyone? I have no words.
What was I to do? Here I was in church…..I want this girl to know that the Lord sees her and that He does not want evil men to use her…..With my open hands I ask God….How do I love this girl? What is/was the right response???
Satan, you will not win. Leave me and my kids alone. We belong to God. I will not become bitter over this. I will mourn it as I know God does.
Father God, protect me and my kids from the fiery darts. What Satan has meant for evil in my life and in my kids lives you will use for good..…..God to YOU be the Glory. Help me to deal with this pain in a Godly way, let me hurt and mourn this in a way that is pleasing to you. I don’t want to be numb. I choose to work through this trusting that You are Good. Amen
We grabbed lunch.. Came home and put our jammies on. We lay in bed and watch movies and snuggled. This is the choice. We just survive it. It is a rainy and cold day…….the 3 of us will watch “Toy Story” and know that God has His hand on us. This is what God calls me to do right now…..NOT go crazy. Just survive it. That means jammies, Toy Story, and Mother’s day cookie cake.