More Change? 4Real?
Posted on Wednesday, August 6, 2008 by oneP3 | (0) Comments
By: Katie SO, FH lost his job and stopped paying child support. Yeah I know…the one thing you think you can count on. NOPE. We asked the courts for permission to move closer to my family, since they were taking care of us anyway. It was granted and FH took a job in the same town. Uugghh Here we go. God so faithfully provided for us for those 5 months. I have NO clue how. My home sold in 2 weeks to a single mom!! (That story to come)! But we have left our home, friends, and church. A new start…… again. It does not get any easier. We have been living with my parents until we get back on our feet and find a place. I am blessed to have family that CAN and WILL take of us. That said, I am 30, with two kids, and shattered dreams. HARD. The depression creeps back and I sometimes feel like I am slipping into that black hole.A bible study I am in got the opportunity to help some lower income families move. I decided that serving is the best way to get out of this funk.I got a clear picture of what my life could/would be like. We went to Government subsidized housing. That is where women like me with two kids end up. I know the feeling of having nothing in your bank account and am blessed with friends and family that make sure the boys and I do not go without. But today I have faces of people who do not have that. I grieve with the Lord over these women and children. I know it can be men too, but all too often it is the women and children who suffer. They had very little, few boxes, some trash bags, and a few pieces of furniture. We moved it in 30 minutes in the rain. I got in my car and prayed for whatever was next for these people……that God would bless them, that they would seek him. I soon found my thoughts turned towards the men who do this to these families. Which then turned my mind to the man that did it to me and my boys. I am seeking the Lord to help me to deal with the anger and hurt. I WILL not be bitter….I WILL be better. But it rears its ugly head. There was a bible on my front seat I opened to Psalm 37 :1-5
“Don’t be upset because of the evil people. Don’t be jealous of those who do wrong, because like the grass, they will soon dry up. Like green plants they will soon die away. Trust the Lord and do good. Live in the land and feed on truth. Enjoy serving the Lord and He will give you what you want. Depend on the Lord; trust him, and He will take care of you. “
Yeah…SHUT up Katie. Got it. It was one of those moments with God. One of my standing stone that I will come back to. It is His “Chill” speech to me. It stops me dead in my tracks every time. All I can do is cry and thank Him for gently putting me back on the path. I am humbled every time I get all this blown up and built up in my head and God gives that tiny nudge, that simple reminder that He is still watching and has the best for me. Change….Okay God. Give me your best. I will wait on you.