Dating Men
Posted on Tuesday, June 24, 2008 by oneP3 | (0) Comments
Dating with kids.
By: Katie
He did this to me…I cannot enjoy anything……there are always questions. The moment I enjoy the fact that someone is pursuing me, I think of him…why he did this to us…him pursuing other women. I have guilt…..Guilt that I am so lonely…guilt that my children have such a terrible role model of a man. But I feel protective and I would not let anyone get near my kids unless they are gold. What a weird place to be. Damaged….abused….lied to…and now having someone….wanting to trust again. Where do you start? How do you give others grace and accept what would be “normal” in a relationship? Why am I always looking over my shoulder…ready for the other shoe to drop? It is so hard to change hats. To go from a phone call or e-mail…being charming, flirtatious, interesting and kind….to making lunches, dealing with fits, cleaning and laundry. No wonder marriage is supposed to be forever. This feels totally out of order and fracturing. It’s stupid……it’s hard. You feel like you are two different people. And yet there is a deep need to be heard…...to be cared about. You crave it so much and will take it from where ever you can get it. Someone that calls and cares and asks about your day. That wants to know what’s new….what kind of day you had. There are days I feel so forgotten…..just to have someone pick up the phone call and want to get to know me. I will try to never take that for granted again. And yet, I took vows. I was not going to have to date anymore…..I was married, I had children with this man….He did this to us. He chose to break his vows. Here I am. Square one. Looking for a godly, understanding, compassionate, humble man that will love me and my kids. Could I make a taller order? Can I trust anyone? Do I have any guarantee that the next one will not do this to me? No. But I serve a big God who promises to finish the good work that He started in me. That brings promised lands after wildernesses and turns wailing into dancing. He calls me to live by illogical faith. Trusting another man again feels like illogical faith, but I know that there are still honorable men in the world. And I know that to not pursue this is to live in fear. For everything this man stole from me in the last year, I will not let him take this. I will live boldly. I will risk again. I will trust again. Because I believe that this is what ushers in God’s redemption. I believe.